Friday My Personal Journal: Swimming in Jello

Blue jello is my favorite

Strange title, I know.  I have to say that one of my biggest surprises in writing, is that the most popular posts are the ones I do in my personal journal.  I'm not quite sure how to take that but thanks.  Hopefully my experiences may help some of you with yours.  One thing I have been a bit concerned about is that I may seem overly optimistic and falsely caffeinated.  Like maybe I have to go somewhere after I write and unscrew my smile.  Not so. What I write is what I need to hear as well and I often answer my own questions in things I say.  Ultimately, I'm the one that tells myself to pull my head out of the sand and move forward.  Some days, as everyone knows, that is easier said than done.

I hate those days.  That is, the ones where you wake up in the morning and feel as though your limbs are made of lead.  Once you do drag yourself out of bed, every movement feels like you're swimming in jello.  Everything that I have to do in a day like that seems twice as hard and takes twice as long.  And that's if I don't sit down and "set up".  It's depression and unacknowledged, it is devastating.  There are many definitions of depression.  Most are long and drawn out and well, depressing.  I like this one. 

"Depression is the inability to construct a future."  Rollo May

Understand that when I speak of depression in this sense, I am not talking about clinical depression.  That goes on for days, weeks and years and can wreck your life.  If you question what you have, professional help should be sought and I personally know the difference that proper treatment can make.  Wow, the things I fess up to in this blog.  But, I figure experience is the true method of teaching.  We are all living proof of something aren't we?  Back to the definition.  It is so accurate.  Just think about it.  When you are down, you can't see past the day, maybe even the hour or minute.  Life seems too painful to bare and it hurts worse than any physical pain you can imagine.  That, unfortuneatly, I have also experienced alot recently.  Many times, the question we all might ask is, "What is going to go wrong next."  Well...something will...that's just part of living.  It doesn't however need to go on forever as a series of unfortuneate events.  Focusing on that is true selfishness and self prophesy.  So what to do...

We can wallow in our sadness and become as filthy as a pig in the mud.  That truly stinks.  Or, we can find a thought, an action, a person, or activity that brings us out of the muck and gives us something positive to think about in the near future.  Eating a vat of jello watching a soap is not what I mean.  Try something...What's the first positive thing that comes to your mind when you ask yourself, what makes me happy.  My answer is my kids.  Well then I need to get up and go do something with them, for them, remember happy times, fix their favorite meal, anything that gets me up and refocused on a near future joy.  Even if I have to force myself.  Whew, I made it through that moment.  Now, I'll do it again. And on and on it goes until you will yourself back into life.

Grief and sadness happen, they have to be dealt with.  But inviting them to dinner, a movie and a month long cruise with your family is your choice.  There is always something good and as always, it is the good that gets us through the bad.  Can't think of anything positive?  No excuse, go do something nice for someone.  Get the focus off yourself. 

Know also that you are loved by a Being more powerful than any bad you can ever encounter on this earth.  That knowledge feeds you, strengthens you, and carrys you through all trials if you let it.  But, you need to proactively engage yourself in planning a positive future.  Even if it's just for the next minute of time, trust me, it all adds up. 

"The best way to predict the future is to invent it."  Alan Kay