Fridays Personal Journal: Can You Be Too Nice

I'm conflicted on this subject, but it's one I want to write about.  Can you be too nice? 

I'm normally a fairly nice person.  But don't get me wrong, I can be as ornery and feisty as any other red blooded female.  I'm just focusing on Nice. 

I need and have asked for help frequently lately.  I know every one's intentions are good in advice given and I value the opinions of family and close friends.  For them, it is a combination of sadness, frustration and wanting to help.  It's a desire to see me and my family move forward and find future happiness.  I love them for it.  I believe their motive and rationale is to remove the pain before it causes more pain, not vindictiveness.  That makes sense.

Back to the question, "Can you be too nice?".  The answer ultimately is refined within us. 

Pleasant in manner, good natured, kind...that is the definition of nice according to the book.  So by that standard, no, we as humans can't be too nice, that's just good behavior.  Flip that thought of being nice into being taken advantage of.  That definition is to be exploited or taken for granted.  So where does that line blur between the two thoughts...being nice/allowing someone to take advantage.

I think the answer lies in what we individually decide is acceptable behavior in a situation. The determination of action must come from core values and tendencies plus the level of experience and caution used in judgement.  Age may also ad temperance and tolerance or perhaps a person is too worn out or frightened to put up much of a fight.  I'm also sure as time progresses, that the adage of putting your hand on a hot plate over and over eventually teaches you that you might get burned.  That most definately applies here and alters future action.

For me it means this.  When I meet my maker, I would rather be accused of being too nice than not.  I extend compassion in some situations because I would like to be treated that way and I don't know any other way to behave.  Not having kindness is something I'm not willing to learn.  I have felt pain, we all have, and if that pain gives me empathy or sympathy for someone else despite the wrongs they appear to be doing, so be it.  I'll extend my hand because I want to. 

But, by turning the other cheek, in some situations I'm getting my rump kicked.  (yes, intentional word play)  Where the cut off point should be is if in extending kindness, it is affecting the way I can positively live my life, take care of and protect my kids, and undermines my self esteem.  It's then I need to walk away.  Not be mean and still practice civility, but walk away.  It might take baby steps and who knows, from a distance I may look back and think what on earth was I doing.  Or, heal enough to go back in to help again. 

So, to be nice, or not to be so nice....that is the question.  My answer is, "Live life with no regrets."  It's easier said than done.  My guess is, that's exactly the advice everyone has been giving me.