Monday Madness: Fireworks!!!

Ahh the Fourth of July in America.  From towns big and small, a nation unites to celebrate that most precious of gifts:  Freedom.  Barbecues, parades, an entire wardrobe based on red,white and blue....and...Fireworks!  I don't know about you but when I watch those big displays I'm thinking, I want to set those off!  I want to be the one that organizes the whole thing to the music, decides the colors, and especially...the one who lights the fuses.

Every family most likely has a story about a really cool, illegal firework that was purchased for $75 across the state line.  The promise of one moment of explosive glory for the amateur!  The crowd watches in anticipation as the match is struck, fuse lit, and the hero begins to back away.  Only one problem...his foot grazes the edge and the firework tips over.  It's now aimed directly at the spectators and the open garage.  (If your a female and smarter, it's aimed at the neighbors garage.) 

That's when the real show begins...people are bailing head first onto the lawn, the cat hisses in fear, the dog barks and runs towards the light, and the car is ready to take the brunt of it to save the kitchen hiding behind the screen door....chaos reigns!  The firework explodes along the ground and launches sparks and flames that light up a city block! 

When the smoke settles, the auto insurance call has been made, bandages applied to the victims, and the fire on the dog's fur extinguished....these proud, poetic words echo into the atmosphere, "Next Year, Let's Get Two!!"  The brave pyrotechnic wanna be salvages some respect and lives to fight another day.

So thank the Chinese for that 7th century invention to ward off evil spirits, the Firework.  Thousands of them light the night on this most patriotic of holidays....sheer, wonderful madness.  For the amateurs, I dedicate a quote to you from Pirates 4.  Capt. Jack gets blown off the top of a fort to stop an attack of the mermaids (that's right mermaids, you gotta problem with that?).  He lands in the water, stands up and says:

"Did everyone see that?, Because I will not be doing it again!"

Happy 4th of July America!