Monday Madness: Ode To My Stupid Computer

Ode To My Stupid Computer
(Because I'm getting really tired of dealing with it)

I stand watching in the light by the pier.  The surface of the ocean at night ripples as an extinct dinosaur sinks to the bottomless depths. (Ok maybe 20 feet)

All around are basking in the afterglow of effervescent bubbles released in a stream, leaving a silvery trail to follow through tear filled eyes.  Down, down, down...finally, Silicon Valley's pride is fried by salt water.  Technology's fate determined by it's watery grave.

Evolution!  It was all so fresh and new when we started out together....

The vision for the future....for freedom from encyclopedias and books...their heavy weight burdened students like a cement block on a mob victim.  You promised freedom from hours and hours spent pouring over references only to discover the right book was missing.  A "C -" on the paper only served to stir the agony of research into a porridge of pain.  All of that was gone with your blessed arrival.

You brought hope with large, bright characters and letters for relief from small text in print that humiliates middle aged eyes...those eyes hiding in shame behind the steely frames holding lenses meant for blurriness (or to magnify bugs with by your 5 year old...quite the spectacle).  You promised relief as pocket sized references need to be briefcase size...Iphones need to be Ipad sized...McDonalds needn't have supersized. (Sorry, it just rhymed)...

You were so cute when I first brought you home bundled in bubble wrap.  My pride and joy.  I cared for you in your cradle, nurtured you by extension cord and and fed you with wifi.  You were given all of the newest updates and latest fashionable outerwear.  It was everything a computer could ever want.  Sadly though, it wasn't enough.  I will never know if it was the jealousy you felt when I spent time with the TV remote, or if it was the day you caught that cold.  Viral infections can't be treated with antibiotics was all the Doctor said.  You were never the same.

Oh we pretended for awhile, played our little games...thought you could fool me into forgiving you because you cooperated every once in a while.  Then you would haughtily dump my musings and writings as I was sobbing "Why".  Counseling didn't work because you lied...lied and said all this was all my fault. That I didn't have a clue how to use you  (partial truth there?) or treat you right.  You said violence and technology never mix.  I responded that I had only ever talked about chucking you into the water, I'd never actually do it.  We could have made up but you had already thrown away the keys to your parts...(umm heart).

I'm sorry PC, it just isn't going to work.  I thought we would grow old together but found out that four years was long enough for you.  It rips me up inside to know that you are no longer the Apple of my eye.  So one final flashdrive for old times sake, and then it's good bye.  Please, just take your worthless parts and get out of my life.  Need help?!? let me assist you and launch you to fly.  (I have got to end this because I am so out of sarcastic metaphors and dark underlying comparisons!)

The ocean here is a lot clearer than this

 
I'm so sorry....I'll errect a monument to you made lovingly from your users manual I didn't read....
May you rest in pieces on the soft ocean bed.

(Yup, I'm going to use my frequent guest points and check into the behavioral health unit tomorrow...so no worries)