Monday Madness: Tourist White

There is MUCH
whiter!

One of the reasons I moved to Hawaii was the sun.  I love the sun, the beach, the ocean, the pool...all of it.  Even when I have lived in land locked areas, there has always been lakes, skiing, hiking, back yards with baby oil, and reflective black trampolines.  Many, many ways to torture a dermatologist.  I'm not naive and stupid about the sun.  I wear sunscreen religiously, sunscreen my kids, avoid high sun hours when possible and do regular skin examinations.  There is no doubt about the dangers of the sun and I have spent far too much time in it most likely.  But, it's a risk I take for some fun in the sun! 

If you live here, you most likely have at least a base tan from simply moving around.  The Polynesians have beautiful skin.  Haolies like me have to get some tan color and look like it's ok to belong here.  Not so for the common tourist.  Sadly, one of our favorite games on our frequent drives through the tourist strip is playing "Find the Whitest Tourist."  Our favorite day to do this is on cruise ship Wednesdays.  Holy cow.  Talk about a plethora of shark bait!  The sharkocopters patrol in force to warn of an impending strike on the unsuspecting pale.  It's their favorite treat I hear...kidding...kind of.



Batman of the
Pineapple Farm

The whiteness scale goes something like this.  There's milky white, snow white, bleach white, glowing white, neon white and candy cane white.  My favorite is candy cane white.  That one means you had some trouble applying sunscreen to achieve full coverage.  A typical candy cane is burned on the nose and under the eyes, tops of the shoulders, forearms, knees, and tops of feet.  Variations of course exist.  If your goal was to fit in and be inconspicuous, that look is not it.  There's also another favorite called "I forgot I'm near the equator in tropical sun and didn't wear any sunscreen at all" look.  OUCH!!  No amount of Aloe can sooth that.  It's a vacation ruiner.

 

Ouch

Many people come here and get Henna tattoos.  They are a temporary dye on the skin that is a dark tan color.  Some people like this guy don't want to waste the money and just go for a reverse.  I can't lie.  I too must confess that I have been tourist white before and I'm good with it.  I can't live here and be white though, that is sick and wrong. 

 

I remember my worst burn ever.  It was the first day of river guiding on the Colorado river one summer. The group was a church youth group and all they want to do is water fight down the river.  I put sunscreen on in the morning, but it was long gone by soggy five in the afternoon.  The tops of my legs were deep fried.  It was so sore that I could hardly move...and that was the first day of a three day trip.  The only long pants I had were sweats, so that's what I wore to cover the burn.  I will not be doing that again mate. 

 

The Madness of sun worship...it's a big industry!  But so is pride in neon white!  My five year old was describing a person to me the other day and she said, "She has blond hair, and tourist white skin."  Yikes.  Fashion says pale is the new tan.  So be proud of it if you have it, just religiously protect it.  And if you come here white enough, you might just make our Tourist White Hall of Fame.  It is quite the honor.  Good luck with that and later Mates!